My good friend Steve had a wife, four young children, and a beautiful house on a hill when he parted ways with his prestigious job. He wasn’t fired or laid off. He didn’t even have a new job lined up. Yet, he chose to leave.
Clearly, something had gone terribly wrong.
When he first joined his company, he was excited about the potential. The competitive landscape was wide open and having led a major market expansion as Chief Marketing Officer elsewhere, he felt well-poised to help the organization grow. The new company seemed excited to have him, and it felt like a win-win. Basically, Steve’s future was bright…until it wasn’t.
Steve and the CEO to whom he reported were soon struggling to get into alignment. At first, Steve thought the friction was over strategy, and their differing approaches and philosophies. But as he started to reflect on his short tenure, he characterized the breakdown as something else entirely. His boss did not respect him—or anyone else, for that matter.
Steve had noticed the posturing and bullying behavior right away, although it wasn’t directed at him initially. The CEO would yell at Steve’s colleagues for minor infractions or throw people under the bus when they weren’t in the room. After the first board meeting, just a few months in, however, when it became clear that the board loved Steve, his relationship with the CEO changed. His boss began cutting Steve out of important meetings, peeling back his scope of his work, and discouraging him from building a personal brand.
As an attempt to make his boss more comfortable, Steve went above and beyond to communicate. He was very intentional about sharing information about potential projects. He frequently solicited his input on important decisions. He tried to take advantage of open office time and even attempted to have a courageous conversation about the friction between them, but was met with increasing resistance.
Nothing worked. When he discovered the CEO was reorganizing the marketing department in clandestine meetings with his peers, Steve knew he had a real problem.
This was clearly not a healthy relationship, but because there was so much at stake, Steve felt he had to keep pushing through. He was extremely frustrated, increasingly helpless, and a little ashamed. How did he not see this coming? Why would he allow someone—anyone—to treat him this way? And how could he teach his children to stand boldly on their worth if he stayed in a place where his was challenged almost every day?
The day he decided to leave came after an all-out verbal fight in the boardroom. As soon as Steve walked into the meeting, the tension thickened. The CEO began presenting the marketing reorganization. Taken aback but trying to not show it, Steve challenged an inaccurate statistic. The CEO responded by swearing at him. Steve demanded an apology and would not let the meeting continue without it. The CEO, who was now red and flustered, walked out.
One thing led to another, and within twenty-four hours, Steve had drawn up a memo of resignation. He pulled no punches, ending the letter with a simple: “Write the check, and make it big.” He never spoke to anyone from that company again.
It’s hard to imagine walking away from a C-suite role voluntarily, but as many of us have discovered, some things are more important than money and titles.
While we usually feel the tension of misalignments like these, we wonder if we’re just uncomfortable or scared, or maybe not giving it our all. People who are wired to give and serve and be flexible usually start with self: what did I do wrong? Did I not try hard enough? But it’s not always about right or wrong. Sometimes two things just don’t fit—you and a company, you and a job, you and a strategy, you and an employee, you and a volunteer organization, you and anything or anyone that makes you work harder than the actual output is worth.
We must get better at seeing misalignment earlier and also trusting what we see.
Alignment makes way for greater impact. It maximizes efforts and elevates potential. It opens the door to possibility for all involved and is generative—providing more energy, more creativity, more joy, and more peace. We should seek alignment in our circumstances and in our relationships—at work, at home, and in the world.
I often talk about “the will and the skill,” and how both are critical for relational success. If someone is willing to partner with you but unable to, they can seek to learn. If they have the skill to partner with you but are unwilling to, that’s a different problem.
Seek alignment everywhere and with everyone. It’s one of the many ways we preserve both our sanity and our ability to make a genuine difference.
Tara Jaye Frank
